I was born Sebastian William Fauntleroy George on November 17th, in the year of our Lord 19 (none of your business), at my family's estate, Brackennridge Hall, located outside of Windsor, England. My birth took a shamefully short amount of time, 10 minutes, which was followed by another 3 hours of my mother making fake labor noises as she showered, changed into clean bed clothes (designed by Vivienne Westwood), had her nails, make-up and hair professionally done while the bedding was changed out with new bedding purchased from Harrod's a month ago. With her private maid and Nanny Veronica, who would be my Nanny for nearly...none of your business how long, my mother received a record breaking 1,600 guests including members of the Royal Family. I was told the finger sandwiches were delicious and the Royal Lochnagar Scotch was flowing.
A year later I was baptized by the Archbishop of Canterbury himself, of whom I both pissed and defecated on, which horrified my mother and sent my dear father, the Duke of Brackenridge into fits of laughter that continued throughout the day and well into the following evening.
I had an incredibly uneventful but happy childhood. My best friend was my Nanny Veronica... think Nanny McPhee, but drunk, and had a menagerie of pets that included 10 corgi dogs (all named Ralph), a potbelly pig named Candy,(I named her Candy because she was always sweet), a rabbit named Haus (short for Hasenpfeffer), a goat named Elizabeth, a goose named Goosey Goose, and a donkey named Lollipop.
When I was old enough, as tradition dictated, I was sent off to school at Eton College. The male children of each Duke of Brackenridge attended Eton since the boarding school's founding in 1440 AD. I LOVED Eton, the tradition, the school uniforms, which I always managed to raise the hem of my shorts a little bit higher to show off my legs and of course the boys! The crushes I had and the night rendezvous after sneaking out past curfew... How I never got caught I'll never know, although I believe my House Master might have been a member of "the family" (wink wink) as he always seemed to be at the right place and time whenever I needed rescuing.
From Eton to Oxford, where I at first majored in Archaeology. When I discovered my first previously unknown Saxony tomb, I was hooked and adjusted my major to a double major of Archaeology and Supernatural History. And the answer to the question on your lips is, "Yes", my family were non-committal regarding my adjustment of major, but as my father always said after a deep sigh, "The boy has to be able to stumble, Ophelia, if he is to learn."
From Oxford, I continued to make many significant discoveries including the tomb of the unknown char woman, the tomb of naughty Sister Mary of the Order of the Sisters of Perpetual Punctuality, the tomb of Anne Boleyn's scullery maid and of course my most important discovery, the tomb of King Archer's court, a previously unknown King of England, in which there were no knights but quite a few cobblers and their table was more of a trapezoid.
These and other discoveries led to me having my own television series on the DBC, Demigod Broadcasting Company's network, titled "Let's see what we can discover", which was very successful among the Faun, Cyclops, Minotaur and most kingdoms of the Fae Folk (It ran for 9 seasons.)
Finally, I became the Duke of Brackenridge after the passing of my beloved and much missed father, left the estate in the capable hands of my mother, the Dowager Duchess of Brackenridge, so that I could continue my research and lecture tours. Whew! That's all there is, Chickens. Now let's see what we can discover.
Above: Brackenridge Hall. Don't be impressed. It's a hand-me-down.
Above: Off to Eton. Which one am I? Look for the boy with the short shorts. I raised the hem myself.
Right: Ahhh, the Oxford University Years. Look at my perfectly turned out foot. I think it says, "I'm here to slay, mama.."
Below: The music was disco, my best friend spelled her name with a Z and the place was 54! Look to the far left, you will see the top of my head and a little forehead.
Above: Me today, waiting to go on stage for one of my lecture tour stops.
Above: Remember that one picture your parents always used to bring out during parties to embarrass you?
Left: Mother, Ophelia, Dowager Duchess of Brackenridge, at Brackenridge Hall, in the well-appointed Library.
Right: Look at the dear little lamb. I was adorable! What happened? LOL!